Right on:
http://www.houstonpress.com/arts/no-it-s-not-your-opinion-you-re-just-wrong-7611752

I'm sorry that I don't update this blog more often with my writing and the great articles I find. These days it seems that news on teenagers and anxiety is omnipresent and I often find myself not wanting to contribute to the noise, not because I don't think it's important to discuss but because there is a level of saturation that, I believe, makes it difficult to sort through the mass of information and find that which is truly helpful and enlightening.

A Beautiful Boy is one of the most compelling memoirs, not just addiction memoirs, I have ever read. David Sheff is a very illuminated person and parent. I think that so much of what he says in this simple interview is insightful into our mentality toward teenagers, period.
https://www.minnpost.com/mental-health-addiction/2014/01/beloved-son-fuels-his-fathers-quest-understand-addiction-and-recover

This is critical. We're far beyond the tipping point.

We've taken the most valuable component out of the spectrum of importance with our young people. How they develop relationships and the opportunity to have sounding boards, be it therapists, mentors, adult family members, anyone with a healthy perspective and ability to listen carefully, is so imperative.

Our misguided pressures are killing kids.

http://www.kqed.org/a/forum/R201501290900

The most telling bit in the entire article is here:
"Colleges also boost applications by deluging students with brochures and book-length "viewbooks" featuring attractive students and famous alumni. Further tactics have included waiving application fees, making essays optional, and counting incomplete entries in application statistics. Colleges track down kids after buying names of students after they take SAT or ACT college entrance exams."

The fact is that universities are in a race to get not only the best students but the highest number of the best students. This helps them innumerably. If a student cannot get their application completed by the deadline, they need not apply. It is truly not going to benefit them and I'm almost certain these numbers will not be released (the number which tell us how many kids who applied during the extension actually were admitted).

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2015-01-28/college-admissions-racket-they-re-not-going-to-let-you-in-anyway

How High Schools Promote Isolation and a Lack of Support

Brady Norvall, M.A.

Founder and C.E.O. at FindaBetterU®
www.findabetteru.com

In the past few months I have heard and read a lot about the transportation disrupting company, Uber, and the ongoing debate about whether it infringes on, or is unfair competition for, city taxicab systems. It makes me think about how we have a natural tendency to be cynical with regard to new services or industry disruptors. To err on the side of skepticism is not a mistake in most regards. But when it comes to our kids, we are often too carefree about the most important areas: time spent reading and the individuals with whom they surround themselves, and far too much energy and resource into those elements which satisfy our own vicarious, wheel-spinning notion of parenting: youth sports, summer programs and standardized testing, just to name a few. The only common disruptor to adolescence today has to be the one institution we believe to be stable and positive in our kid's lives: school.

High schools, in general, are a disruptor because they continue to change, continue to look for greater efficiencies, more exceptional results both in the immediate and long terms. High schools are an industry and an agent of change (not for the better, in most cases) and this is a big problem because it's challenging (read: near impossible) to change from the inside, particularly as young people will always NEED the human response and interaction to grow socially, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically, but these are not quantifiable outcomes. Whether we like it or not, these ought to be imperative areas of focus for all schools, elementary and up. But it's the high schools which are "performing" the worst, in this regard. For most parents born before 1985, schools were much more likely to have been a supportive, growth-focused, humanistic community, than they will be/are for our kids. Teachers are still great, for the most part, I would argue. But working in a broken system takes its toll on even the most patient, thoughtful, well-meaning educator.

This all gets back to a larger problem about our approach to the outcomes of education: teenagers aren't a customer-base and high schools are not high-level service providers, no matter how much they charge. So it baffles me when I hear that high school counselors are warning parents away from hiring private counselors. For whatever reason, college counseling offices, particularly those at private schools, demean, discourage, and deny any added value of a private counselor if/when the subject is broached. Oftentimes, they volunteer this information without being prompted at all. Do English teachers get riled up when a student seeks out extra help by way of an English tutor? On the contrary.

I am not saying high school college counseling offices are bad at what they do. Actually, most school counseling offices are probably just fine at what they do, they just don't do enough of the good things, the growth-focused, positive-reinforcement-things. Let's explore five reasons why school counselors ought to stop wasting energy on this concept of parents hiring extra help.

1)      Can teenagers ever have TOO MUCH support? No. The entire premise of a school counselor is to help students do what's best for them, not be the answer, themselves.

2)      They have no trouble directing students to therapists, tutors, test prep centers, or elsewhere, so they need to grasp that a private counselor is another area which is not overlapping their school counseling responsibilities. It's an extra. An add-on. It isn't about the school or the school counselor. It's about the kid.

3)      School counselors imply that it's about not needing the support, but it's really urging the parents not to spend money on something which impedes upon the area for which the school counselor is responsible. Yet, in situations in which these same services are provided at no charge, school counselors cannot talk them up enough. In other words, it's a school counselor telling a parent how and where to spend his/her money. They're school counselors, not financial adviser. Sadly, this is most often the case at the most expensive private schools.  

4)      Stop telling families to "gather information" and "do their research" and then act incensed when the family takes a step toward hiring someone privately. Most people refer to this as "support" (see: #1).

5)      Instead of focusing on parents and private counselors, let's work hard to reform the systems which we serve, both high schools and university admissions. If enough counselors speak out about how unfriendly the system is, perhaps universities will listen. As of now, all counselors can agree on one thing, at least: this process no longer serves the best interests of the students.

5 Things All Teenagers Need to Hear

Brady Norvall, M.A.

Founder and C.E.O. at FindaBetterU®

5) Tell me why you think that way.

Don't discount the brainpower of another person, particularly an adolescent. Their ideas and opinions are highly experience-driven and when they are engaged in a conversation, they often reveal parts of themselves not previously known. Many adults end discussions with some form of the phrase "you don't know because you're just a teenager". Not only does this horribly undermine both the teen and the parent (who is responsible for teaching the teen, not telling them when they don't know something) but it is untrue. Teenagers often DO know. They just know differently than you or I may.

4) I understand this is really important to you.

For teenagers, all things are a big deal. This is precisely what an underdeveloped pre-frontal lobe does: heightens one's sense of urgency and importance. Teenagers lack perspective. At the same time, their sense of what is valuable is very different than an adult's. It's supposed to be. As long as it's innocuous, let an adolescent have things which are important to them, even if you could not care at all.

3) You work really hard.

Validate them. It doesn't have to be "you work hard at everything". But find something they do work hard in and point it out. If I have a student who is particularly committed to a sport, say basketball, I might say "you work really hard at basketball. I challenge you to put that same effort into … reading, homework, class, conversations, studying"— whatever suits your situation best. Kids do work hard. Just being a kid takes hard work. Trust me.

2) Tell me how I can help.

Teenagers wish they had more support and help. Frankly, who doesn't? But for teens, the stakes are higher now than they have ever been (remember this: parents who parallel your own life scenarios on a regular basis to illustrate how your teen should be just as perseverant as you) and the anxiety is equally high, as well. At the same time, asking a teen how you can help is a great way to get them to think critically, communicate effectively and demonstrate leadership skills. So, if nothing else, you're boosting soft skills.

1) I'm proud of you.

Because you are. Be proud of every teenager making any semblance of an effort. It only takes one person's voice to change the entire outlook of an adolescent's future. They're more resilient than you or I and this means even if they've experienced a string of bad luck, teens can turn that around if they feel like they're not alone. If an adolescent has someone they want to impress and work hard for, they can do almost anything. In fact, go ahead and tell them that, too. It can never hurt: You can do anything.